Dowry................is it even right???

Recently, a young man was whining and complaining to me how sad he was that he won't be able to marry his girl friend until December next year.  I din't pay attention because he always whines about every thing!  Towards the end of his bleating, he asked me for 3 million Tz shillings which he explained that it was what was needed for bride price.  Mind you, this man is a local carpenter.  In disbelief, i asked for the paper he was holding which had the list of things to pay.  This is what was on the list:

• 2 Male cows with four legs
• 3 female cows with four legs
• 2 goats with four legs
• 5 chicken with two legs
• 2 heavy blankets
• 2 bead sheets
• 1 kitenge for mother
• suit for father
• 2 hoes
• A sac of maize
• 200,000 for aunties
• 100,000 for spoilage( since the man had slept with the lady)   

Since we are now modern, they told him to not bring the cows and hoes and stuff, just convert them into money which amounts to what he told me.
Now let us look at what was being done before.  This is the bride price my father paid for my mum, in fact he never even finished paying!

• 2 male cows with four legs
• 1 female cow with four legs
• 1 goat
• 4 hoes

There is a huge difference between the first and second list.  Dowry, i believe is a tradition practiced all over Africa, and it it a beautiful thing.  But dowry has lost meaning these days.  Dowry was meant to unify the two clans together, besides the same cows paid by the man would be slaughtered in their wedding day for feasting.  It was meant to say "thank you for taking care of my wife".

Many westerners have interpreted bride price or dowry to buying a wife, and i don't blame them; seeing what men have to pay these days.  Dowry has been taken for granted, it has become a means of income, a way to sell daughters!  Eloping was never a choice in Africa and was not tolerated at all, but tell me, what will these men do now that they can't marry without paying the huge amount of dowry? isn't it a shame that a man has to take a bank loan to pay dowry?

Now this man has broken up with his girl friend because he doesn't think he will get that amount even by December next year.  I am sure there are similar cases out there.
Africa, look back and see the beauty dowry had, and restore it. 
"only a fool tests the depth of a river with both feet"
-African proverb